Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
