hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
