Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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