If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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