im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
