Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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