high people should be assigned attendants
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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