I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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