I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize