I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
