I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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