i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
