God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
