I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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