Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
