Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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