Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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