how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
