Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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