R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize