That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
