Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
