Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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