went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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