I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
