it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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