Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
someone owes me an orgasm
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it's like iHOP with fire
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
