last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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