I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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