had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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