Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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