I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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