If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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