Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
