this just has baby written all over it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
