I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
