Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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