For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize