your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
