We're like a lot better than the average bears
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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