you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
