I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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