Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
did i just pee glitter
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
