Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
