If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we're making bets on your personal life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize