Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
