i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
