New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
