I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
