Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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