oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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