dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
