alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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