If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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