I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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