the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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