yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
