I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
