sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
