My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
