Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
