omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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