he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize