put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
