I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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