shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
