Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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