I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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